I want to think love is pure and love is kind, but sometimes it’s a big pain in the ass. There are two men; let’s call them Peter and Andy. Both are amazing guys, career oriented, kind, and overall morally good men. The only difference between the two is their social crowd. Both Peter and Andy come from a family that has money, but Andy hangs out with the “downtown” crowd and Peter continues to hang around his “uptown” crowd. So, I am faced with the dilemma… do I want to live in a Billy Joel or Hot Chelle Rae song?

I’m usually really good at making decisions, but that’s when the facts are laid in front of me. Let’s assume both of these men are canned beans and do a bit of a comparison. One can may have more sodium and fat with less calories, while the other can may have more sugar and carbs with more protein. I would normally choose the one with more sodium because then you could just drink more water and it balances out the sodium, but people don’t work like that. You can’t alter someone’s “con” to fit around your needs and desires and become romantically skinny.

There wasn’t anything that stuck out that was a complete red light, a fail to pass go, or a complete deal breaker. Both were men with bright futures and their cons cancelled each other out, so how do I choose? What happens when pros and cons, a game 20 questions, and playing devil’s advocate still doesn’t produce an answer? The part that everyone fears. It’s the moment when you have to follow your heart instead of your head.

It’s said that you either follow your head or your heart, but my heart is just as fickle as my mind when it comes to love; one day I’m head over heels for Peter and positive he’s the right choice, but then the next day Andy is the only thing on my mind. I’m being pulled back and forth and up and down on the universe’s emotional yo-yo. I’m being teased over and over with the impending catch but then I’m dropped back down. I love them both, but when searching down inside the question arises… who am I in love with?

What’s the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone anyway? Sure you can love a friend, your brother, your sister, your mom, or dad. When you’re young your parent may have said they love you to the moon and back, or a sibling may have said they’d die for you, and that’s just love. You wouldn’t say your parent or sibling is in love with you… that’s gross. So, when you’re in love with someone, how do you know? How do you top the distance of the moon or dying for someone? The bar for a soulmate is past the moon and is out of this galaxy.

So I wonder, was there just a universal yes or no? A gut feeling that just tells you, yeah this is the guy for you you made the right choice congratulations you win a happy marriage and prosperous future? Or is love supposed to be complicated with twists and turns? It feels like the more I read the nutritional values, the harder the decision became. If both have similar pros and cons, is the best choice just to pick a damn can and eat?

There’s always that chance of having that “one that got away”, but if a choice isn’t made, they’re bound to be the ones that ran away. As crazy as it sounds, I wonder if the cliché saying “if you love something set it free. If it comes back it’s yours if not it was never meant to be” was true. Was love a risk? Calculating all the probability in the world couldn’t grant an answer, so was the answer so simple as to just to set one free?

So when there are two loves, one must be set free to see if one on its own has the possibility to breathe. There’s always a chance of the choice being wrong, but the wrong choice is better than no choice. At least I would be able to say I gave one 100% and didn’t live life in fear of losing one by giving 50/50. Maybe the one that got away doesn’t always go away forever. Maybe one day years later we’ll bump into each other again in a better time and a better place, and there will be my answer. Then… I’ll know it was meant to be.

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